Sign in a public restroom of a hi-rise office building:
Toilet out of order, please use floor below.
Sign in a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
Sign in a london department store:
Bargain basement upstairs.
Sign in an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
Sign in an office:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
Sign outside a secondhand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.
Sign spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car.
Sign seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is day care on the 1st floor.
Notice in a farmer's field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
Sign on a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
On the back of an Amish carriage
Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step in exhaust.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England; or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Why is it that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
In English a house can burn up as it burns down, you fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm goes off by going on.
Why is it, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
Heteronyms: words that have identical spellings but different meanings and pronunciations.
Homonyms: words with the same sound and often the same spelling but differ in meaning.
Homophones: words that are pronounced the same but differ in meaning, origin, and sometimes spelling.
Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg!
THE POMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID
Aoccdrnig to rsceearh at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Tihs epnialxs why porofraenidg is dufilfict.
Couldnt believe that I could actually understand what I was reading!
THE PHENOMNAL POWER OF THE HUMAN MIND
According to research at Cambridge University, it doesn't matter in what order the letters in a word are,
the only important thing is that the first and last letter be in the right place. The rest can be a
total mess and you can still read it without problem. This is because the human mind does not read every
letter by itself, but the word as a whole.
Amazing huh? This explaines why proofreading is difficult!
Cdnuolt blveiee it, and hree is a cnuoter elmapxe. Raed tihs!
Anidroccg to crad cniyrrag lcitsiugnis planoissefors at an uemannd,
utisreviny in Bsitirh Cibmuloa, and crartnoy to the duoibus cmials of the
ueticnd rcraeseh, a slpmie, macinahcel ioisrevnn of ianretnl cretcarahs
araepps sneiciffut to csufnoe the eadyrevy oekoolnr.
As domantesertd, a splime ioisrevnn of the ianretnl
cretcarahs rultess in a txet wichh is rieveltaly hrad to dicipeehr.
Couldnt believe it, and here is a counter example. Read this!
According to card carrying linguistics professionals at an unnamed,
university in British Columbia, and contrary to the dubious claims of the
uncited research, a simple, mechanical inversion of internal characters
appears sufficient to confuse everyday onlookers.
As demonstrated, a simple inversion of the internal
characters results in a text which is relatively hard to decipher.
This could lead to ambiguity. Try this sentence:
The sprehas had ponits and patles
This might come out as...
The sherpas had pitons and plates.
The shapers had points and pleats.
The seraphs had pintos and petals.
The sphaers had pinots and palets.
The sphears had potins and peltas.
A female college student was given an assignment to write a short story
in as few words as possible for her class, and the instructions were
that it had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote:
Good God! I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it.