September 25, 1973
Author: A friend
The Puleitcher Prize Committee today announced that the 1973 prize for non-letters is being awarded to an Irish-American, Lawrence J. O'Sullivan.
O'Sullivan was cited for excellence in the categories of brevity, conciseness, infrequency, non-sentimentality, succinctness, and general uninformativeness.
Referring to O'Sullivan's work one member of the committee noted enthusiastically that he had received "longer letters from my dog, more frequent letters from my mother-in-law, and friendlier letters from bill-collectors."
The members of the committee, all of whom are English, predicted gleefully that, if emulated, O'Sullivan's style would set back Irish literature 1000 years.
The prize unfortunately is being awarded posthumously. O'Sullivan was found deceased last week in a rural area near Carbondale, Illinois. There was no sign of foul play except that the body was covered with millions of microscopic contusions. Police theorize that O'Sullivan was lured into a field of over-ripe touch-me-not plants.
In a recent development a young lady in the north woods of Michigan, a correspondent of O'Sullivan's, has confessed to the deed. But the prosecuting attorney on hearing her story assured the press that he would ask the court to rule justifiable homicide.
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